With Christmas less than a week away, the claymation-marathons have officially begun. And by that, I mean that Caleb and I have just been watching them over and over and over. Like the same one... we have been watching 'Santa Clause is Coming to Town." It is my personal favorite of all the Claymasterpieces, because, while being heart-warming, it is also at a level of un-paralleled hilarity, that only magical Christmasy-ness could achieve.
To read this blog, I would suggest popping in the movie and doing a "watch-and-read" type of thing. You know how ABC Family used to do "Dinner and a Movie" nights where you would cook and watch? Yeah, this won't be anything like that, because this will actually be fun.
It starts:
This news-story opening is much funnier as an adult. Seamless transition into Claymation-land guys. Perfection.
Lets talk about our mailman:
Mail-Man Dude: Ahhh Fred. No dancing for you, but what can you do? Also, as an apparently world-wide letter carrier, you think he would know that it is against the law to open other peoples mail. Its really cute that he wants to read what the kids are asking Santa about, but the letter is addressed to "Santa." So don't be a nosey-nelly Mr. Astaire. And more improtantly, don't get arrested. And WHERE are these kids you are talking to?? All that are around are woodland creatures!
Next scene!
Burger Meister Meister Burger: Is sent a baby, clearly names Claus (like, the German boys name) and gives it to his incompetent soldier who promptly looses the baby. To the wind...
The wind which is strong enough to carry away a baby in a sleigh, but NOT strong enough to blow away the animals, or the pile of sticks that they have piled up. Okay, sure.
So then we have these 'elves,' Dingle, Jingle and other 'ingle' names, eventually they gave birth to Pringle, who left the elfing family to create stackable chips. Good call Pringle. They all live with the "Elf Queen", Tanta... no rhyme. She thinks the baby is a great idea, but what ISNT a great idea is to keep the name that he was given. Who would want to be called Claus when you could be called Chris?!
Now, as we learn the elves were once the First Toy Makers to the King. What Caleb so aptly pointed out, is WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! They never tells us! Tanta says that she hopes that one day their glory would be restored, but fails to mention what they did to get demoted and then fired. So... now are the once Second Toy Makers, the First? And can we take a minute and talk about how this chick is Queen to all of four elves? You know, thats probably why she got fired. No King wants some random elf lady calling herself a Queen, when she is most likely just deranged.
Which brings us up to the point where Chris is taught life lessons by forrest dwelling animals. And seals (which clearly live in the forrest...) teach him how to laugh. Which, as the movie states, is the most important thing that he learned. The elves that he spent the last, I don't know, eight years with must have been so beat up about their royal humiliation that they never, ever laughed. Thank goodness that seal-barking is an acceptable substitute for human laughter. Why have paid studio audiences for things when we could just drag in a bunch of seals? Though I doubt it would be cheaper... Ho Ho Ho.
So years go by, and both the narrator and Chris tell us that he is a man. He wants to take the toys to the aptly named 'Sombre Town.' Tanta, after 20 years, finally, made Chris his suit. Cool.
Next we meet the Penguin friend. After Chris deduces that the penguin is looking for a branch...no, a stick....no! a Pole! The north pole? No, SOUTH pole, all by pengu here jumping around and honking, Chris tells him, that while he can basically be of no help in aiding him in finding his home, he should just give up and come along to Somber Town. Topper, as he is now named, kisses Chris. I think she believes that Chris just proposed... oh well. It would never work. P.S. Where did the penguin get the scarf!?
Fact: Going near someones property is not trespassing. Hear that Winter Warlock? NOT TRESPASSING! So I don't care that you are super angry that Chris and Topper have taken a path that puts then about two miles south of your mountain. You can't get mad about that. Thats like me getting super angry about someone looking at my sandwich. Or someone sitting in the seat next to the one I saved. Sure, its annoying, but not grounds for any sort of aggressive action. But, there you go plotting their demide upon their return.. yeesh.
Somber Town:
Pan to BMMB coming out of the building getting ready to go down the stairs. If you take a moment to look at the stairs, you will notice that they are toy free. Seriously, rewind the movie and look. No toys. So then how does BMMB trip on that toy duck? Where does the duck come from? This duck is KEY to the unfolding of the rest of the story. The hatred of the duck leads to the hatred of the toys, which leads to the banning of the toys, which leads to the arrest of Chris, which leads to the escape, which leads to Christmas! After some serious discussion, Caleb and I found the only possible explanation. The guard. The guard must have planted the toy right at the last minute! Think about it, the guard is treated like crap. He is probably real bitter toward the Burger and wants his revenge. Bam. He is to blame for it all.
Cameo: The King is also the doctor and the father of the children whose house gets searched.
I love the sharpie drawn declaration that toys are illegal. Also, if the word 'dungeon' is written in bubble letters, it looses all its scaryness.
Fact: Every cold hearted Christmas character can have their heart melted by a toy. most likely it will be a toy they have always wanted since childhood. Ex. Jessica the school teacher. Ex. BMMB given a yo-yo.
Lets skip to the first solo song Chris gets to sing. You know the one I'm talking about,. But if you don't, let me give you a refresher on the lyrics:
"Oh what a good girl,
Oh what a good boy,
Oh what a big smile,
All because of a toy."
wait for it...
"If you sit on my lap today,
A kiss a Toy is the price you'll pay.'
When you tell what you wish for,
In a whisper,
Be prepared to pay."
Now it may just be me... and Caleb... but doesn't this strike you as being a little, oh, I don't know, rapey? Wildly inappropriate? Grounds for getting charged as a sex offender?
"If whatever you take.
You give a little back.
Then whoever you love,
will give a little love back,
So give a little love,
Get a little love back."
Why did we never realize this before? If I met anyone who was like, "hey, give me a little kiss and i'll give you a little surprise," I would promptly whip out my mace and give a little of that back!
To be continued...
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