2013. Mt first New Year in a new city. And strangely enough, it does feel different. Maybe its easier to start new in a place that still feels new... I don't know... we shall see. But! I made my resolutions whilst drinking wine on my couch with Hannah, and I will stick with them! I did almost everything I resolved to do in 2012, so I have high hopes that future Carly is gonna keep it together. Which brings me to the topic of the entry: New Years Resolutions. Not mine, oh no. I know mine. I have had lengthy discussions with me about my resolutions, now I want to talk to my macbook about your resolutions. How do I know your resolutions? Because you were kind enough to post the all. over. facebook.
Now I have come to terms with the fact that by logging onto the FB, I am going to be slapped in the face with a gob of information I don't care about: weather updates, political views, mirror selfie pics, bible verses, engagements, pictures of your food... Don't get me wrong, I'm as self-centered and vain as the next 90's baby all grown up. I am incredibly guilty of posting things no one in their right mind cares about, case and point, this blog you are reading now and still trying to decide if you care enough about to keep reading. (At this point I would like to take a moment and jedi-mind-trick you into caring.... "This is the blog you are looking for.") But I was a little surprised with the number of people who posted their personal goals on the FB stalker feed. Although I feel flattered that you deem me a good enough friend to share the fact that you think you are overweight, or too pessimistic, or unmotivated, or unorganized or whatever, don't think that I don't know what you are really after. No, not 'attention.' Please, Facebook as a whole, shoot, everything we all do is an ill concealed cry for attention and affirmation. No, what I know you are after is accountability. You want to be held accountable for your declarations of self-improvement. I hear ya'. Loud and clear my friends. So what I'd like to say to you is:
Challenge Accepted.
Any time you post a complainy facebook status? Busted! Every time you post a picture of cake? Caught! So be wary. Because I am watching you... Because thats what you really want, isn't it? I mean, I can't think of another reason you would post it as your status. You neeeeeeed us all to know. If it gets bad enough, I will come and personally train you. I will make you a dating profile. I will eat an entire pie in front of you, just so you won't. Because thats how much you mean to me.
Because I have sooooo much free time to spend patrolling your profile... And I definitely have the attention span to keep that up... So this is totally gonna happen... But just in case it doesn't, and just in case you think I gave up on you and I don't care, just remember: I do see your activity through the technological window. And I do care. And I am judging. So rest easy.
**disclaimer: This post is not pointed at any one person, or any specific people at all. So don't be offended oh resolution proclaimers. I commend you. It is bold to publicly declare ones intent and be held accountable for said proclamations. Part of me envies your boldness and confidence in personal drive and successes. The other part of me is highly annoyed you think you are fat. The third part of me is slipping into a food coma as I type and is not aware of what is going on...
Happy New Years friends! To fresh beginnings, pintrest pinnings and cheshire grinnings.
also, whats the deal with 'Baby New Year?' Worst mascot ever. It makes me feel like the New Year is one big baby shower for the earth... and then I feel awkward because I didn't get it anything...
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