I have decided that this year is the year of the 'grown up.' Or something along those lines...Its like my version of the Chinese New Year, but different in the sense I am not Chinese and also I don't know when their New Year is... Why? Because when you get to be legitimately into your twenties, thats what you are right? Grown up?
When I was a kid (well, more of a kid then I probably still am), I would look at the college kids and think they were soooooo old. And those people out of college? Well, they were married, or having kids, or something like that. Well, maybe 10-year-old Carly would look at me now and think to herself "Wow. Thats an adult. I have to be polite to her and pretty much do what she tells me. I also am obligated to feel super awkward around her." Maybe she would think that. But then why, why do I look in the mirror and see, I don't know, this ageless, non-agey, how old am I? face???
There are times where I feel overwhelmingly adult. Like the following:
-Whenever I pay my rent. Paying rent sucks big time. Its like someone sets off a little bomb in my bank account every month. And it takes a whole 'nother month to recover.
-Grocery shopping and buying... vegetables. And eggs. And things you can't microwave.
-Every time I know anything they mention in the news.
-When I know the name of the wine I want... Or I make it a whole day without eating french fries.
-Any time someone asks me for directions and I can accurately give them. Or any time I know which was north is.
Times I know I am mostly still a kid:
-When it takes me two minutes to figure out how to turn off a public bathroom sink
-When I accidentally watch two hours of 'My Little Pony' on Netflix, or 'Teen Titans'
-My inability to order and kind of mixed drink... at all.
-Anytime my socks don't match
-When I lock the cat in the closet for 8 hours, or forget to feed him
-My refusal to own, or wear a pair of khaki pants. Never will I ever.
-Each time I reference Dr. Seuss to give sage advice
To make it all the more confusing, there are people constantly switching between calling me 'ma'am', 'sweetie', 'hun', and 'miss.' I am no 'ma'am', I will tell you that. Only people over the age of 60, or who give me their subway seat can call me 'hun', and I just reallllllyyyyyy hate being called 'sweetie.' ALMOST as much as I hate being called 'girl.' I know my gender, thank you. I'm aware. I will only accept being called 'girl', if it is sandwiched between a sassy 'hey' and one more 'hey.' Or if its said with a distinct 'u', like 'gurl.' I would prefer if each person made up their own distinct pet name for me, so get on that everyone.
Also, do I shop in the juniors section, the miss section, or the women's section??? I know I shop in the kids section for shoes...
But I really feel like we twenty-whatevers are caught in this awful vortex of faux-adulthood. We don't know what we want to do, or how to go about getting it, or at least I don't. I am torn on a daily basis between wanting to play in the park and wanting to put on some heels and attempt to 'go out.' Okay, not a daily basis, but like, once a week. Thats an awful example. I'm torn between....ummm... sleeping till noon and balancing my checkbook? Who am I kidding, I always choose sleeping till noon when I can. I count it as a personal victory every time cleaning my apartment trumps my desire to play Mario Kart. And its so hard not to be overly aware of the floating, unidentified age-sphere. By my age my mom was married, and had a kid (me, as it were), had a career, had acrylic nails and did things like, make dinner and run errands and go on vacation. I don't do or have any of those things. I run errands on my cell phone, and I make food so I don't die... but not in a very adult way. But here I am, 23, a girl with 'Little Mermaid' sheets, and a Dragon pillow, muppet underwear and a 'Labyrinth' album I count as artwork. So perhaps I am not adult at all...
Maybe I should save adulthood for my late twenties, and spend the rest of my early and mid twenties being youthful and charming. Because I want to keep listening to my Disney music, wearing three different patterns at once and having 'Lord of the Rings' marathons on my days off.
I think I have found the way to stave off wrinkles. Its not expensive eye cream, its carrying 'gushers' in your purse and coloring in coloring books. You're welcome world.
"Adults are Just Obsolete Children and the Hell with Them." -Dr. Seuss
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