I have high expectations. For everything. I honestly expect my trash not to smell and my shelves to never get dusty. I get unjustifiably mad when that turns out not to be the case. But I mainly get upset when things don't work out the way I want them to. I just don't understand why everything can't be perfect and catered to my exact needs. You know who I blame for that? My parents. Thats right mom and dad! Its alllllllll you.
Growing up, our parents tell us that we can be anything we want to be. We can grow up and do whatever it s we want. At least, that what my parents told me. Maybe your parents told you that you really aren't that bright and your options are limited. Maybe your parents suck. I don't know your life, so I really can't make a valid call on that. Sorry.
Now, I don't want you to misunderstand me. My parents did not let me do whatever I wanted growing up. No, no. I grew up with a healthy fear of my parents. Which is hilarious to me, but most likely not to you, because just as I don't know the intimate details of your life, I hope you don't know mine. But I never got beat (I say 'beat' in a socially acceptable, earned punishment kind of way) by my parents, or like locked in a closet or had my mouth washed out with soap or anything like that. I just knew them to be very capable individuals and I didn't want to ever see what sort of punishments they might dream up. But all kids should live with a solid fear of their parents. A child should direct the following feelings toward their parental figures:
40% love
25% respect
30% fear
5% skepticism
The problem is, kids today ( because clearly I'm 75 and shake my cane at them). They have too much power. I see these kids in stores throw straight up tantrums and their parents ask them, yes, ask them, to think their actions through. "Johnny, is this really the best idea? Let's think about it sweetie. What if we use our words?" You know what lady, 'what if' I walk myself over there and give your child the spanking he is obviously asking for? Then we all win! Well, not Johnny. Johnny doesn't win. But who cares what Johnny wants? He won't shut the hell up!
Sorry, I got a little off topic. Anyways, what I am saying is, because my parents spent so much time telling me I was awesome, I am really bewildered that the whole world isn't on the same page there. Seriously though, if I was half as talented as my parents think I am, I would have been crowned 'Queen of the World' by now. Okay, maybe not 'Queen of the World,' but I should of at least pulled off 'Queen of Norway' or 'Queen of Sarcasm' or 'Dairy Queen' or something.
I am also one of the lucky ladies who were raised by a mother who fully realizes and appreciates the power of women. I mean this in a completely genuine way. My mother made sure I grew up to be a strong, confident, capable, self assured woman. Mix that with my Dad's sense of humor and ability to charmingly make fun of people and you have a recipe for a woman doesn't need a man! Or is it a recipe for a woman who can't get a man... I'm still not quite sure which it is. All me best girlfriends who were raised by bomb-ass parents have the same problem! Our lack of tormented childhoods have left us as whole, happy, functioning, single, people. Its weird.
But being raised to think I am super awesome and nifty created a problem. My 'I'm better than this' attitude is not always received well. The credit card company will not accept it as a reason to not pay my bill. I am baffled. My dishes still won't do themselves. No one gives me free coffee. I can't get the train to wait for me to come down the stairs. UPS won't just leave my package at the door. Hulu still makes me wait 30 seconds through the ad for my show to resume. GOD ITS SO HARD TO BE ME!
Mom, Dad, if your reading this, I'm going to bed. Can one of you fly up here, tuck me in and bring me some ice cream? And do my laundry? Because that would be great. Can you also write a note to my boss that I should get paid and not have to come in to work? You guys rock. I love you so much. I'm still working toward being the worlds first Dragon Riding Princess Comedian and Professional Peruser of Books. But it's going well.
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