Give me Taxes or Give me Death!

Sometime after Valentines Day and before Easter, but right around St. Patty's day is one of my favorite holidays: Tax Day. Well, it's really more of a Tax Season, but I am campaigning to get it the full holiday status that it deserves. Needless to say, it is not going too well.

What? You think its weird that I like paying may taxes? Oh! You think the only reason I like it is for the tax return? The answer to those questions is yes. Yes I do. I love the tax return when I get one. And now that I make something that resembles "grown up money," I actually do get one. But the paying of the taxes is the part I like best. And I get to do it ALL YEAR!

I can explain this one. Its not as strange as you like to think it is. Lets look at this in a rational way, shall we? I, being the princess I am, never choose to do anything myself that I can pay others to do for me. Am I right? Yeah, you know I'm right.

Things I never wanna have to do:

-Arrest Bad Guys
-Clean trash off the street
-be a member of Congress
-or the House
-give White House tours
-Mow the lawn of parks
-clean fountains
-paint benches
-fix sidewalks
-decide to declare war
-know how checks and balances work
-teach kids
-serve kids food
-help people cross the street
-put out fires
-be the President
-guard prisons
-be in the army

And so many more! I am so relieved that it is not up to me to do any of that. I gladly pay taxes to take care of that shit!**

Someone asked me the other day how I felt about paying social security, when I will probably never see any of the money that I paid into it. Right. Yeah, I mean, that kind of sucks. But I say its still worth it! I like old people. They're cute! Whats more, is I'm okay with old people not working for a few reasons.

1) They probably worked longer, and definitely harder than most of us will.
2) Without them, we wouldn't be here
 and on a less adorable note
3) They are too old to efficiently do things now. Have you ever had a really old person serve you or help you? Its not fun. They can't hear you most of the time, they are kind of slow and you spend the whole time feeling really bad that you are getting suuuuuper inpatient and annoyed. They did their time! Let them drink tea and watch re-runs of 'Murder She Wrote'!

I am also really hoping that when I get reals old, some young, starry-eyed girl with skewed notions of how things should be, takes me under her youthful wing and helps me retire to a life of luxury. I figure I have 70 more years to figure that one out.

So thats why I love paying taxes. I like the standard of living that I have come to expect. I like feeling safe in my city, and clean and happy. I like knowing that there are, presumably, smarter people than most people I know running the country. I like knowing if my cat gets his tail in the candle again, and the house happens to catch fire, people will come take care of that crap. Its great. I'm so glad that we Americans got over that whole "we don't wanna pay taxes so we're gonna steep tea in the ocean!" phase.

**if this isn't how my tax dollars are used, please let me live in ignorant bliss.