ELFING: Part One

As many of you know, I am coping with the Christmas Blues by participating in paid Christmas Cheer at "Macy's Santaland." Its magical. Its whimsical. Its insane. But mostly, its hilarious. Families from all over the world journey to the shining star that is New York City to see the Big Man himself: Santa. I am working as one of Santa's elves. Sniffles. I am "Sniffles the Elf." Adorable right? I know. Already I am probably more likely to answer to that name than my actual name.

Each day I say "Merry Christmas!" at least 600 times, and get to have lots of great conversations with lots of kids who are slowly restoring my faith in the human race. This is the first installment, of what I hope to be many, of the heart warming dialogues I have with the children I encounter.

Part One:

"What did you ask Santa for?"
"An ipad."
"Oh wow."
"Did you make a lot of ipads this year?"
"Yes we did. And Apple is not happy about it."

"Can I take a picture with Rudolph?"
"He's actually not allowed inside anymore. He tends to make a mess if you know what I mean."
"Oh...ew."

"How much does Santa pay you to be his elf?"
"He actually pays us in cookies."
"Is that a lot?"
"...No."

"Im leaving Santa salad this year, because he looks bigger than last year."

"My name is Noel, whats your name?"
"I'm Sniffles."
"Like the Dwarf?"
"No, thats Sneezy."
"Oh, so you both just have colds?"
"Uh, sure... But elves and Dwarves are very different."
"But you are both short."
"Yeah, but we are magic."
"Oh. And you make toys and dwarves dig holes."
"Exactly."

"Where are you from?"
"The North Pole."
"Which part of the North Pole?"
"................the middle."

"Why dont all the elves here have pointy ears?"
"Because our ears don't get pointy until we turn 50." "How old are you?""I'm 47 and a half.""Wow, Mom! She's older than you and looks way younger!"